I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
