I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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