i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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