Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
