haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
