is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
