Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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