theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
