No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
