I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize