why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
