my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
