Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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