You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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