I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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