FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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