Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
