You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
