peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize