SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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