Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
