Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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