Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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