I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
