i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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