Apparently you make a good broom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
