You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
