We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
