i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
