how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
