I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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