Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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