News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
