I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
