mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
