yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
