seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
