kristin has been a bad kristin
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize