Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
