my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
