Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
