Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
