well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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