Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
