I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
