Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
