Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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