it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
