i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
