Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
