I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
