I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
