I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
