i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
