Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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