Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
