The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
