I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
