You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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