I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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