I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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