How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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