Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
