ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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