You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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