So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
