Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
