I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
