I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
