last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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