I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
