I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
