Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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