i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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