His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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