Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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