Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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