im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
