I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
