Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dick very happy bro
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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