Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
