I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
