pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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