I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
