i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
