she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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