we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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