He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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