5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
