i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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