His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
