apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
