I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
