my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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