Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
