I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize